Loneliness Defeated

Loneliness Defeated

Dr. James Byrd

Things that perplex

God intends human beings to live together in harmony and to value one another, but Scripture recognizes many reasons for individuals to feel unwanted and isolated.

Psalm 68:4-6 (NKJV)
4  Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Extol Him who rides on the clouds, By His name YAH, And rejoice before Him.
5  A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation.
6  God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.


Loneliness is not part of God’s plan for human beings

Genesis 2:18 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Adam needed someone “fit for him” ( one size) does not fit all”

God knows who is the right fit

The right fit may not have the right look

While browsing in a Christian bookstore one day, I discovered a shelf of reduced-price items. Among the gifts was a little figurine of a man and woman, their heads lovingly tilted toward one another. Happy 10th Anniversary read the inscription. It appeared to be in perfect condition, yet its tag indicated Damaged.

Examining it more closely, I found another tag underneath that read Wife is coming unglued


God is with his people at all times and in all circumstances

Isaiah 41:10 ESV

fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Matthew 28:20 (NKJV)
20  teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Hebrews 13:5-6 (NKJV)
5  Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
6  So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

God’s might to direct me

God’s power to protect me

God’s presence to keep me

God’s wisdom for learning

God’s eye for discerning

God’s ear for my hearing

God’s Word for my clearing.

1001 Quotes, Illustrations, and Humorous Stories: For Preachers, Teachers, and Writers.



Reasons why people may experience loneliness


Isaiah 59:2 ESV

but your iniquities have made a separation

between you and your God,

and your sins have hidden his face from you

so that he does not hear.

Ephesians 4:18 (NKJV)
18  having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart;

Hidden Sins

Annie Dillard, in her book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, writes:

At the end of the island I noticed a small green frog. He was exactly half in and half out of the water.

He was a very small frog with wide, dull eyes. And just as I looked at him, he slowly crumpled and began to sag. The spirit vanished from his eyes as if snuffed. His skin emptied and drooped; his very skull seemed to collapse and settle like a kicked tent….

An oval shadow hung in the water behind the drained frog: Then the shadow glided away. The frog skin bag started to sink.

I had read about the water bug, but never seen one. “Giant water bug” is really the name of the creature, which is an enormous, heavy-bodied brown beetle. It eats insects, tadpoles, fish, and frogs. Its grasping forelegs are mighty and hooked inward. It seizes a victim with these legs, hugs it tight, and paralyzes it with enzymes injected during a vicious bite. Through the puncture shoots the poison that dissolves the victim’s muscles and bones and organs—all but the skin—and through it the giant water bug sucks out the victim’s body, reduced to juice.

Hidden sins can suck the life out of us.

1001 Quotes, Illustrations, and Humorous Stories: For Preachers, Teachers, and Writers.

See also Ge 4:10–12; 1 Sa 28:5–6; Ps 81:11–12; Is 64:7; Ho 5:6; Eph 4:18


Matthew 27:4–5 ESV

saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” They said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself.

See also 1 Ch 21:17; Mt 26:75


Lk 17:12 Lepers were forbidden to mix with those not affected.

See also Le 13:4; Nu 5:1–3; 2 Ki 7:3; 2 Ch 26:21


Psalm 102:7 ESV

I lie awake;

I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop.

See also Job 7:4; Da 6:18


1 Kings 19:4 ESV

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”

See also Dt 33:27; Job 7:16; Ps 43:5; Ps 73:16–17; Je 15:10; Mic 7:1


Proverbs 19:7 ESV

All a poor man’s brothers hate him;

how much more do his friends go far from him!

He pursues them with words, but does not have them.

See also 1 Ki 17:12; Pr 19:4; Lk 15:14–16

Old age

Psalm 71:9 ESV

Do not cast me off in the time of old age;

forsake me not when my strength is spent.

See also 2 Sa 19:34–35

Dying and the approach of death

Psalm 23:4 ESV

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

See also Ps 18:4–6; Ro 8:38–39

Lack of friends

Psalm 142:4 ESV

Look to the right and see:

there is none who takes notice of me;

no refuge remains to me;

no one cares for my soul.

See also Jn 5:7; Jn 14:18

Social ostracism

Jn 4:9 A moral outcast (see Jn 4:18), she was collecting water at the hottest part of the day, when she could do so alone.

See also Lk 19:7 A Jew who worked for the Roman occupying power was considered a traitor.

Public shame

John 8:3 ESV

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst

See also Mk 15:29–32


2 Timothy 4:16 ESV

At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them!

See also Ps 38:11; Ps 88:18

Loss of family

Luke 7:12 ESV

As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her.

See also Ru 1:3–5; 2 Sa 18:33; 2 Ki 4:1; Job 1:20–21; Ps 27:10; Mt 2:17–18; Je 31:15; 1 Ti 5:5

Loss of identity

Luke 8:27 ESV

When Jesus had stepped out on land, there met him a man from the city who had demons. For a long time he had worn no clothes, and he had not lived in a house but among the tombs.

See also Lk 8:30


Ecclesiastes 4:8 ESV

one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

See also Ec 2:10–11; Ec 2:18; Heb 13:5–6


Acts 3:2 ESV

And a man lame from birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple.

See also Le 21:17–18; Mt 9:32; Mt 12:22

Through it all no matter the situation, Jesus Christ told His disciples then and in the now as the Savior words rings continual ONE TIME for ALL TIME.

Matthew 28:20 (NKJV)
20  teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Loneliness experienced as a consequence of God’s calling

God’s setting apart for service

1 Kings 19:10 ESV

He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”


See also Jdg 6:14–15; Je 1:5; Je 4:18–19; Je 15:16–17


Mark 10:32 ESV

And they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them. And they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. And taking the twelve again, he began to tell them what was to happen to him,

See also Ex 24:1–2; Jos 1:6–7; Mt 20:17–19


Numbers 11:14 ESV

I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me.

See also Ex 18:17–18; 2 Co 11:28

Jesus Christ experienced loneliness

Matthew 27:46 ESV

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

See also Ps 22:1–2; Mt 4:1–2; Mt 14:23; Lk 4:28–30; Jn 6:67; Jn 16:32

Positive aspects of loneliness

Solitude provides an opportunity for communion with God

Matthew 6:6 ESV

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

See also Ex 3:1–2; Ex 33:9; 2 Ki 4:32–33; Mt 26:39; Mk 1:35; Mk 6:45–46; Re 1:9

Engaging in spiritual warfare

Genesis 32:24 ESV

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day.

The opportunity for spiritual experiences away from the crowd

Mark 9:2 ESV

And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them,

See also Da 10:8; 2 Co 12:2–4

Solitude as rest from the turmoil of everyday life

Mark 6:31–32 ESV

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves.

See also Mt 11:28


The German philosopher Schopenhauer compared the human race to a bunch of porcupines huddling together on a cold winter’s night. He said, “The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth; but the closer we get to one another, the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills. And in the lonely night of earth’s winter eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own and freeze to death in our loneliness.”

Christ has given us an alternative: to forgive each other for the pokes we receive. That allows us to stay together and stay warm.